Sunshine Bear :P

11th December 2011

Post

Confusions In Life

I need help understanding why people are the way they are. Why some don’t understand why I care so much. I care about everyone, that’s who I am. I am a kind loving person. I want everyone happy. I worry about others before myself. I am in no way a selfish person. I want people to see life to be just as much important as I do. I live everyday thinking of way to make people happy. What can I do out of my day to lend a helping hand, to open a door with someone carrying lots of things, at work if a customer is short some money to say hey dont worry I got the rest. That is who I am, it makes that person feel good inside that someone has helped them in life. That is what I like to do.

It hurts when someone you love with all of your heart says he doesnt care about things. And that your just like every other girl he knows. That your just everyone else, you just want to make people like you. Thats not it at all. But the thing that hurts the most is that some how you can find no way to express that to them..because all you want to do is curl up into a ball and cry. I love helping people, knowing how they are feeling, but I have troubles expressing my own feelings. Telling people how I feel. I don’t want to lose them because of something I say or do.

It hurts to have someone you love with all of your heart talk about suicide like its not big deal. When they are non-stop on your mine, first things you wake up worrying about/thinking about….on your mind all day, and that last thing on your mind before you go to bed at night. It hurts so bad. You care about this person more than yourself, more than anyone you’ve known. You want to do what you can to make that person happy, to make sure that person knows you care but still for some reason you still don’t feel like your doing all you can, there is still something that isn’t right. And there isn’t anything you can do to change their mind. Know matter what you say, how much you love that person, how much you let that person know it…they still don’t get it.

It kills my insides thinking about losing you, I isn’t something I want to lose, and it’s not something I am willing or going to give up.